Weekly Writing

April 13, 2008


“Marriage My Way”

By Larry John


There are a lot of ways for people to “commit” to each other. Marriage is one way. I have always said that you must be “committed to the commitment of marriage…not to a person…or you won’t stay married.” It is hard to stay married. It is hard work. For many people it just isn’t worth it. There is always a “greener pasture” or the desire to “escape”…but “wherever you go…there you are.”  And the second, third, fourth, etc., marriages always end the same way. They don’t last. People rarely change.


People fall in love most of the time with “love.” It is fun to be in love. But after a short period of time the “rose colored glasses” come off and you see each other as you really are. Over 50% of the time marriages end in divorce. Those aren’t good odds. So if you are not “committed to the commitment” your chances ain’t that great.


But here is what I want to talk about. One thing for sure: “marriage” now-a-days is much more than a MAN and WOMAN with a legal document to prove their “commitment.” Marriages these days don’t need legal documents to be called “marriage.” People who live together with no legal document many times stay more “committed” to each other much longer and with much more love than traditional man and woman legal marriages. So does a “paper” make a marriage? Of course not! Men can be “married” to men, women can be married to women, a man can be married to several women, a woman can be married to several men, and they all can or cannot work. The type of “marriage arrangement” doesn’t necessarily work. People make their marriages work. And many people make the “single” life work for them also. Not all people need nor should be married. Legal marriage is more about tax benefits than it is about “love” and “commitment.”


The problem with marriage or no marriage is normally complicated with the addition of children. We want people to not only be committed to each other. We want people to be committed to the children in their relationship too. In order for “society” to stay “civilized” children must be taken care of. The problem becomes when children become “products of the State” instead of the responsibilities of the parent or the parents. But regardless of the quality of “care for the children,” it is a “razor’s edge” we walk when we think that the State can give better care for the children than the parents. Taking away children from parents could be a good thing for the children, but the opposite could also be true. Why doesn’t the State take away ALL children from all parents? For the most part the State thinks that they could do a better job raising children “through the SYSTEM.”  Very few parents “do it perfectly.” Parents are to blame for many problems of children and in turn society. Sure, many succeed as parents, but many don’t. And to say that a “specific” type of legal “marriage” is better than another is silly. Just because it is only legal to be “legally” married if the marriage is between one man and one woman, doesn’t mean that this one legal marriage is best for the individuals, the children, society and the State. All types of marriages can work and all types of marriages can fail….not only for those involved, but also for the children, society, or the State.


So why aren’t ALL types of marriages recognized “legally?” Tradition? Christian Tradition? Is that the real reason? So why not change “tradition?” Not all of us are Christian. Many of us don’t even have a religion. Is religion, once again, the reason we have fewer choices? I can’t think of any other reason. Can you? I want marriage MY WAY. Whatever WAY I choose. I will promise to take great care of my “partner” and my children. My family is my responsibility. I want those choices for other people too. Think about it.